Most people on plant earth suffer from a chronic case of discontentment. And it is not just a disease that plagues those without Christ. Many Western believers endure the same malaise – and ironically, in some ways, suffer even more from it. In this article, one of a trio of articles around this subject1, we explore why.
We’re constantly looking for “something” ahead of us, in our future, to bring us the sense of contentment we believe we’re missing now. Whether this “something” is a promise we hope for, a breakthrough we anticipate, an achievement we aim for, a new spiritual discipline we plan to implement, a life goal we seek … we could be on the same “treadmill” anyone pursuing the proverbial “American Dream” is.
Yes, we may not be lusting after a fifth car or a third holiday home but we may be swaying to the same destructive “carrot-dangling” tune. And because what we’re pursuing is defined in spiritual language we often don’t realise the trap2. (I suggest you view this footnote for an important qualification).
In fact, it seems to me, that a lot of Christian teaching or ministry may actually encourage us to embrace this “spiritual treadmill” version by unconsciously – mostly anyway – implying that …
- unless we do A or
- discover B or
- pray C,
… we’re not going to experience the “deeper life” … or … we’re going to fall short of “maximising our potential” … or … (add the latest hip promise).
How many Christian books and messages fall into this, “Do A, get B” mantra? In this sense, many sincere Christ followers may in fact be suffering from a more chronic and resistant strand of discontentment.
The bottom-line is simply this (even though it so hard for us to simply believe):
True contentment is found essentially in our relationship with Father God (and in cooperating with His revealed will for us3)
Yes, everyone will nod in agreement to this last statement. In fact, some may even yawn and say, “Duh! That’s just Salvation 101”. (And after the yawn, there’s a good chance they’ll jump back on the treadmill and get back to chasing down another deceptive dead-end).
But if you really want to get to grips with this, and quit the treadmill for good, bear with me as we explore the genesis of this conundrum.
God created mankind in harmony with Himself, one another and with the world He had created for them. In this divine connection, mankind had a healthy sense of personal-worth (our identity), for a lack of a better phrase, being secure in relationship with God, and one another, and significant in fulfilling the work He had entrusted to them (Genesis 1, 2).
In a nutshell …
Adam in union with God (secure and significant in Him: personal-worth in surplus)
God’s life overflowed from this union into …
Healthy inter-personal relationship with Eve
+
Fruitful God-given stewardship of the garden given to him
Part of the effects of The Fall was that mankind’s sense of security and significance, formerly attributes fulfilled in God, now became driving needs disconnected from God (Genesis 3:1-7). Mankind became driven to fill the inner void in order to find security – a sense of belonging (or affection) – and significance – a sense of becoming (or achievement) – in sources other than God.
In another nutshell …
Adam disconnected from God (insecure and insignificant: personal worth in deficit)
Now our identity is sought in …
Needing to find security from others
+
Needing to find significance in our achievements
In this sense, our fallen human nature is self-centred and contrary to God. At the core of being human, we’re not really seeking God; we’re driven by self-preservation, self-improvement and/or self-advancement in order to meet our need for security and significance. This is our identity problem.
Yes, God is merciful: He reveals Himself in human need in order to reconcile us to Himself and restore us to our original orientation.
In the salvation miracle, we recognise our real Need in the midst of our felt-need (to feel secure and significant) and become realigned with God’s creation genius. We’re now completely secure and significant in Him – we just have to believe it!
However, until we learn to cooperate with God’s shaping process, which the Bible calls repentance (a continual response to Him); we remain driven by these needs for security and significance. The tragedy for many believers is that they continue to seek for that which they already have.
You see, in order to meet our need for security and significance we, in our mind, establish a goal that we believe will be the solution to scratch our inner itch:
- “I need (… take your pick …) to feel secure” or
- “I need to (… take your pick …) to be significant”
This goal is determined by basic assumptions, our belief system, we have unconsciously developed from our family upbringing, our background, our education, our religious worldview, from authority figures and through positive and negative life experiences. We are then, often obsessively, motivated to obtain this goal.
However, this belief system, stored in the unconscious mind, is based on a fair number of false assumptions. To put it in a more telling way, these false assumptions are “lies” – untruths – that we unconsciously accept (and believe). And in the midst of the obvious lies there are also any number of half-truths that, though more subtle, are just as debilitating.
Therefore, by way of example, even the apathetic couch-potato is driven. In his case, he is more than likely driven to avoid responsibility. He doesn’t so much need more motivation; what he needs is a new vision – delivered from his fear of responsibility (and the pressures or expectations that he has come to believe are inherent with it).
Then, as we blindly pursue our “established goal,” one of three outcomes is likely.
Despair/Hopelessness: Unrealistic Goal
Many of our goals are unrealistic and may never be achieved (e.g. expecting a career or a ministry or our marriage to be ultimately rewarding/satisfying4). Consistently missing this illusive goal breeds a sense of guilt and despair, and in finally accepting that it’s beyond us, we may become overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness. This is one reason many are cynical and battle depression.
Frustration/Anger: Blocked Goal
The fulfilment of many of our goals may (seem to) be blocked through circumstance or people. In our minds, someone (e.g. our family, ex-lover, a work colleague, an authority figure), or something (e.g. a lack of money or opportunity) has robbed us of the opportunity to achieve our goal. The inevitable outcome is frustration and anger. We can become bitter, resentful and may wallow in self-pity.
Disappointment/Fear: Achieved Goal
Many of our goals may actually be achieved. We obtain them … wow! We enjoy a sense of satisfaction … temporarily that is … and then face the reality that it did not deliver on the promise. We still have a deep, unscratched itch in our soul. So we then establish another goal and begin again. Over time we become increasingly disillusioned and anxious. We can even become fearful and resign ourselves to the notion that true peace and joy is impossible.
All of the above scenarios have one thing in common. They are learnt behaviours. We have learned these responses through repeating this vicious pattern of chasing goals that lead to depressing dead-ends (often after copying how influential others in our lives pursued their assumed goals).
Yes, practice makes perfect (and often permanent) – both for good and bad. Practising wrong responses time after time reinforces unhealthy patterns of thought and action.
So what’s the point?
Not only do we face this circular madness as simply being part of the human race but, in my opinion, much Christian ministry and teaching actually plays – mostly unintentionally I’m sure – to this insanity.
As followers of Christ we usually begin this faith journey overdosed on idealism. And while idealism is not in itself a bad thing (for it contains the precious gift of innocence), maturity means we nurture our innocence while shedding the idealism. In other words, we’re to lose the childishness but nurture our childlikeness.
This is no easy feat of course; especially if we underestimate the importance of being part of a spiritual community – one that is grounded in reality – and are prone to gullibly taking on board so much of the current Christian pop-psychology and me-centred ministry present today.
Take for example the wonderful gift of prophecy5.
Not only have I been the beneficiary of this gift but I find myself gratefully used from time to time in speaking prophetically to others. (For this reason, I’ve have been just as guilty in the past of adding to the problem I’m trying to diagnose in this article. Having realised the temptation, I’ve tried my best to exercise more wisdom in receiving and giving prophecy).
While New Testament prophecy needs to be judged (1 Thessalonians 5:20, 21) – not swallowed hook, line and sinker – and should be edifying (1 Corinthians 14:3), it is too easy to speak words that appeal to another’s ego and to inflame a false sense of importance.
What does it help if I prophetically say to someone responding to a ministry call, for instance, in a massive conference style setting, “I see you teaching thousands” (or worse, “The Lord says …”) when, given the model of platform based ministry, it will more than likely imply that this person should expect to be, at some point, on a similar stage addressing an audience of thousands.
That this person’s life may be a model to follow and that many people will be influenced by their life over the course of the ensuing decades is more than likely the application, assuming it is a correct prophetic word.
The prophetic picture of this person’s life having influence would indeed be a tremendous encouragement to them but in projecting (even unintentionally) a certain model in which it will unfold often carves out a deep lust for something not in the Spirit of God, setting them on a pursuit that may inevitably lead to a head-on collision with disappointment.
As one who believes in the gift of prophecy, I need to be sober in how I communicate the prophetic hunches I may get.
As one who has been swamped with many prophecies of this type, I need to be sober in how I receive these well-intended but oft inflated proclamations (usually, I think, the problem lies in “our” interpretation of a genuine sense in God).
This is not intended to be a diatribe against prophecy6. So to be clear, thank God for the gift of prophecy; it has played a definitive role in my life and ministry over many years. However, I use it as an example of how well-intentioned ministry can create false hope in us.
I have walked with a number of people who labour with a sense of regret or disappointment for failing to see some “glowing” prophecy, they received many years ago, fulfilled. Knowing most of these people well I can honestly say, in my opinion, that the gist of the prophetic word has been fulfilled in their life and ministry; the fact that it was delivered in such flowering terms means they still labour after an ideal that is not in keeping with their God-given gift-mix (and God-allowed limitations).
So what’s the answer?
Pray this prayer three times every twenty-four minutes and … just kidding!
There is no quick, hey-presto formula but there is a clear solution. As mentioned, since we’ve learnt unhealthy behaviour patterns, we can unlearn them.
First, we have to unlearn our default tendency to establish an unrealistic goal based on false assumptions and then learn to curb our fallen drive to try to full the emptiness in our own soul. The Bible calls this process repentance and the renewing of the mind. Then we have to learn to accept and believe God’s Word, not just in a notional, propositional way but in reality and application. The Bible calls this process faith7.
Part of this mind renewing process involves prayerfully identifying the wrong goal we habitually establish to find a sense of security and/or significance and the unconscious strategies we adopt to attain this illusive goal8.
Repenting of these trivial pursuits, we’re to embrace God’s Fatherhood, accepting by faith our security and significance in Him. Contrary to the infamous U2 song, we already have what we’re looking for. We simply – boy, is that a difficult word at the best of times! – have to believe it. And faith like repentance is a continual response to Him as we become increasingly persuaded of the truth that sets us free.
In like manner, contentment is something we have to learn. To the church at Philippi, Paul wrote:
“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:11-13)
We cannot get contentment from a book, a formula, a spiritual discipline or a prayer. We learn contentment through processing what we go through – the highs and lows – from Father God’s perspective, seeking His counsel through personal relationship with Him and communal life with others9.
Both discontentment and contentment are learnt behaviours.
So, what did this mean for me?
I was absolutely spent having worn out my umpteenth version of the religious treadmill. Learning that I was no more yet no less than a child of Father God – this is our supreme and sublime pleasure – brought a full experience of salvation to my entire being. Finding my security and significance in Him, I learnt (and am still learning) to avoid trying to quench my thirst in artificial sources outside of Him.
So is contentment found just in cuddling up to Father God?
Yes and no.
Yes, contentment is only possible in an essential and functional10 relationship with Father God. (Miss this and miss the entire ball game; in fact, miss this and there is no ball game!)
And no. Contentment is consummated; so to speak, as I learn to cooperate more fully with His revealed will for me. (In this sense, God has designed our contentment to be fully realised in cooperating with His will).
Think again of our genesis as the human race.
Adam walked in complete harmony with God and, from this essential union, derived great pleasure from his fellowship with Eve and reward in fruitfully tending the garden God had entrusted to Him.
First, Adam didn’t need to use Eve to get his security fix; nor did he tend the garden in order to prove his significance11. The quality of his relationship with Eve and his work were an overflow – the consummation – of his communion with God.
Yet, God never intended him to space out under a fruit tree all day singing “Kumbaya”. Rather, God brought Eve (relationship) into Adam’s life and entrusted a garden to his care (stewardship).
Thus, our contentment in God is consummated as we walked in healthy inter-personal relationships and faithfully steward our God-given “garden” fruitfully.
Remember those nutshells …
Me/you in union with God (secure and significant in Him: personal-worth in surplus)
God’s life overflows from this union into …
Healthy inter-personal relationships
+
Fruitful God-given stewardship
So the questions for me to consider (and regularly review) are:
- Am I content in my relationship with Father God? Or am I attempting to satisfy my soul-cravings in artificial thirst quenchers?
- Am I walking in authentic relationships with people God has brought into my life? Or am I neglecting or under-valuing these relationships?
- Am I being faithful in the “garden” God has entrusted to me? Or am I comparing myself with others and/or striving to enlarge my own ego-garden?12
Amen? Or O-me!
P.S.
I suggest you follow up this article with the other articles in this series: “I’m not that special” and “I can but I can’t”.
Notes:
1 The other articles in this series (and there is no particular order to them):
I can but I can’t
http://soulrecharge.wordpress.com/2011/12/02/i-can-but-i-cant/
I’m not that special
http://soulrecharge.wordpress.com/2011/12/04/im-not-that-special/
This article, “I cant get no satisfaction” could probably be seen as the main article and it therefore contains content twice the length of the other two.
2 It goes without saying that believing for something from Father God is very much part and parcel of our relationship with Him – “Our Father … give us this day our daily bread” (Matthew 6:9, 11) – but the point is that our contentment is not dependent on that which we ask for.
3 I’ve added the second part in parenthesis for an important reason. The first part – that is, true content is found essentially in our relationship with Father God – is the crux of the issue. However, it is not complete without stressing that out of a deeply satisfied love-life with the Father, our contentment is expressed (or consummated) in obedience to what God leads us to do. This cooperative obedience – out of a response to His love and leadership – is very much the way we’re designed to optimally, if I can use that word, “live and move and have our being in Him” (Acts 17:28). The reformers taught that we are saved by faith alone but not by a faith that is alone; that is, “faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead” (James 2:17).
4 Just so that I’m not misunderstood here: marriage, a career and ministry ought to be rewarding in many, many ways – and will be if we find contentment in Father God first and foremost. Out of a secure sense of identity in Him, we ought to enjoy these blessings. If we expect any one of these blessings to ultimately satisfy us in itself, we’ve set it up as an unrealistic goal and booked a date with despair. (Actually, to be completely blunt, the Bible refers to this as idolatry).
For example, if my personal-worth (and contentment) is dependent on my spouse or career or ministry, not only am I in for a truckload of disappointment but I’ll actually use (manipulate) my spouse, career and others in an attempt to fulfil the chronic emptiness in my own soul. How tragic! Selfishness may be the sinister driving force behind my actions even when I think I’m being a loving spouse, responsible in my career and a faithful minister.
5 The reason I use the example of prophecy here is simply so that I can speak from my own mistakes rather than from pointing fingers at others.
6 As another example, so that you know I’m not picking on prophecy, those who know me will know how much I believe in the value of affirmation as a vital component and practice in a healthy relationships and spiritual community. But again, affirmation can easily become flattery where we pat each other on the back and say inflated things to make ourselves feel better.
7 Both repentance and faith are often viewed merely as theological concepts. But until we grasp them as lifestyle responses of unlearning and relearning they will remain intellectual ideals that are ‘heady’ – enough to swell the pride – but not ‘hearty’ – not enough to transform our lives.
8 Again, the value of an authentic spiritual community with spiritual fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters who can add objectivity to your own prayerful reflection on these issues is a gift from God.
9 The learning process again involves repentance and faith, continual responses to God’s shaping work in our lives.
10 I use the word “functional” here in contrast to the word “notional”. For many God is notionally a Father; as a concept but without any practical clout or substance. It is the overwhelming message of the Bible that God desires to be a functional Father in our every day lives (see for example, Hebrews 12:5-11).
11 Before Adam even sucked in his first breath of oxygen, God blessed him (Genesis 1:26-28). It was never about man’s performance (or lack of it); it was and is always about Father God’s love for us.
12 We’re so conditioned to equate a bigger “garden” as a sign of success. God gives different measures of grace to different people and we’re to be faithful and fruitful with the measure given to us (Romans 12:3-6). Paul said that to compare ourselves with others is “not wise” (2 Corinthians 10:12) – which is a polite way of saying, “it’s stupid!”
We are to learn to be content in God as we’re faithful and fruitful in the “garden” He has entrusted to us. Whether or not He chooses to enlarge our “garden” ought to have no bearing on our contentment. In fact, to one who is content in Him, an enlarged garden is greeted with humility, gratitude and a sobering sense of increased responsibility. Credit is not taken, ego is not tickled … rather; further grace is sought in a deepened recognition of one’s need of God alone.
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